unfortunate animal of the month club - "something dreadful in the mail each month to brighten your life"

"i do not make the same unfortunate animal for everyone each month, oh, no. i look at each person's emails, and i think of all the clues i have about them: name, address, handwriting if i have a sample, email style, any hints of personality i am given. i make sure they will not get the same colour or style each month, and, finally, i listen to the rabbits and make a wild guess as to which thing to send them this month - then i go out and make it. the same care is taken in wrapping, and with the notes. i have sent whacked things on a whim only to hear back that it was the most perfect thing ever. don't expect miracles, but know that this is not a flower-of-the-month where in june everyone gets roses: this is the real deal, where i strive for certain expressions of the face and nuances of limb-twisting on an individual basis."